Thursday, February 28, 2013

Spammers Can Suck It! Removal Of Capchas Leads To Spam On Blogger. FIX THIS BLOGGER!

What the hell!!?? I changed my blog comments so everyone doesn't have to fill in capchas (as seen above) and guess what? I'm now getting 10 - 15 spam comments a DAY that I have to moderate and mark as spam. What the hell?

And all of the spam is to sites like online casinos and thigh cremes and crap like that. And it's obvious that it's coming from China because the comment will say something like:

"You been very good with explain of this great subject that I will share with friends. It did inform." Then they'll be a link. And there's never a "contact us" area on the website that the link goes to so I can bitch. Are they paying Chinese people per comment they leave? And why if I hit "mark as spam" can't Google/Blogger stop these comments from coming?

And I hate to go back to capchas because they're getting harder and harder to read. Damn it all to Hell!!

Monday, February 25, 2013

"Everyone Thinks I'm So Much Younger." Suuuuure They Do... "I Always Get Carded!"

I ran into a dude I used to work with last week and we got talking. He asked me how old my kids are (they're 19 and 16) He then asked, "How old are YOU?" And when I told him he said, "What? I always thought you were ten years younger!"

Now here's the thing. I'm told often that I look younger than I am but I think maybe I look a few years younger. Not ten. *looks in mirror* Hmmm. Maybe he is right... But do you ever run into these people - mostly women - that say, "Everyone thinks I'm 33!" OK so here's what usually happens. THEY say to the person, "How old do you THINK I am?" And the person being asked always says a younger age. But I've seen some of these people that claim that everyone thinks they're younger and when they tell me that I'm thinking, "Uh..I don't think so sweetheart."'

And then you have the women in their thirties that claim that they're always getting carded. OK. It happens legitimately to some women but usually the person doing the carding is trying to be nice. I hate to break the news to you.

But there are people that look younger than they are. Maybe it's something like 25 percent look five years younger and five percent look 10 years younger. What do you think?

As for looking older than you are that's the worst. I met this dude the other week and he said he was 43. I was thinking 55. I think my face looked kind of shocked when he told me. Oh well.

And on the subject of age I can't for the life of me tell the age of girls/women sometimes between the ages of 19 and 30.

So do any of you get told you look younger? How much younger? Also, state your age in the comments if you want. I'm curious how old you guys are.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Riding The Bus With My Sister. Great Acting Rosie.

And when you're acting and you're REAAAAAALLY acting....

So how hard was it to keep a straight face on the Rosie O'Donnell movie Riding the Bus with My Sister where she plays a special? I imagine her barking orders at the crew then a second later going into this terrible acting.

And I bet in interviews she probably said, "this is a story that really had to be told." And I'm sure the word "courage" was thrown around a lot.

Here's the trailer. Feel free to critique her acting in the comments area:

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Limoncella of West Chester Gets Thumbs Up From Important Pork Lover For The Sliders. Chester County Pork.

As you know I love me some pork. With provolone. And long hots.

Here's a variation I got from Limoncello in West Chester, Pa the other week in the form of sliders. Pretty tasty. But I wish they gave you four. Or at least three. And an extra long hot. But then again it was an app and they were discounted for happy hour so I could have gotten a second serving. If I had wanted to look like a slob that is.

And here's what the bar area looks like in case you were wondering:

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

WARNING: Don't See The Movie Safe Haven. Julianna Hough.

I knew the movie Safe Haven was going to be bad but I saw it anyway (with my daughter). And when I say bad I mean Hallmark Channel bad.

Here are a things about it (SPOILER ALERT)

- Julianna Hough looks great but the acting? She totally exaggerates everything. And we know you have a great smile but it's way too much. She KNOWS she's sexy and that makes it annoying. And I can't get over the fact that she goes out with Ryan Seacrest.

- As mentioned above it's like a Hallmark movie. Super cheesy dialogue. Everything is predictable.

- Major inconsistency in the scene pictured above where she's in orange bikini. She's romping around in it in the water and a minute later she's back to wearing a tank top with bra and shorts. Where and why would she have changed??

- There's a scene after the house is burnt to the ground and the set designer should have been "fired." It looks like someone said, "OK we're filming the house after the fire. We have five minutes to throw a few things in this area! Lets get to work people!"

- OK this is the kicker (and Spoiler Alert): Throughout the movie she is friends with a woman that turns out to be the  ghost of Josh Duhamel's wife! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? This is the worst ending I've ever seen to a movie ever. It's kind of like when you find out Bruce Willis was the ghost in The Sixth Sense but it makes no sense here. Was this movie written by a 7th grader? I'm sure Nicholas Sparks thought he was clever when he came up with this but really? So stupid.

Don't see this movie.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Remember When Blackman On Strangers With Candy Did That Dance? Charleston Style.

Remember when Principal Blackman did that dance at the end of that episode of Strangers with Candy? No. Not from the picture above. From the end of that one episode when they dance? Yeah you do. You don't? OK here's where he got it from. I'm going to practice it (it's the fancy footwork the first dude is doing) ......

Here are some other people doing it. It's called Charleston Style. And they do work in the arm swing and leg kick of the regular Charleston that we all know. And love.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Discusting Stink After Opening Up Ribs From Exton Giant. Get it Together!

On Saturday I go over to the Exton Giant Supermarket to buy some ribs that were on sale. I get home, cut open the plastic package and this stink wofts out of the package smelling so bad it almost knocked me over!

At first I thought maybe the smell was something from the garbage disposal but it wasn't. It was from the meat. I looked at the meat. It wasn't discolored. And the sell by date was eight days away. How does this happen?

I pack up the meat in four plastic bags (so the juices wouldn't leak) and I drive back to the Giant to get my money back. And my car stunk so badly I had put a window down. I bring it up to the counter and they didn't even question me about it. But about 10 seconds into making the return the customer service guy says, "OH MY GOD!" and pushes the ribs away.

How does this even happen? Was the meat sitting out for too long before they packed it? Did something other than the meat get into the package? Now I'm going to be grossed out by ribs for a while.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Daughter Tries To Get Me Do Imitation for Her Teacher. Jerry Lewis Jimmy Stewart Hybrid.

Oh man I was totally put on the spot the other day. I picked my daughter up from school and while my daughter is standing next to me a teacher comes over and says, "Oh Dr Zibbs, you daughter tells me you do a perfect imitation of Doctor R&#$%##  from Kids First. My kids have gone there for years!"

I'm totally taken off guard and I'm all, "Uh yeah...I do....Yeah he's a real character....Well uh...nice to see you."

We walk out and my daughter is laughing, "Why didn't you do the imitation Dad? She was waiting all afternoon to hear it?"

"Because I don't even know here!" Ha!

And trust me. The imitation is so spot on and over the top that it's almost frightening to the person hearing it. The doctor sounds like a combination of Jerry Lewis and...

...Jimmy Stewart. With a tinge of a hard of hearing retarded person. And the imitation is based on the time the doctor was asking my son some questions about a fender bender he had gotten into. And when I do it I have to get really close to the person, stare them in the eyes and with lips kind of flapping and head nodding it goes like this...

"So Jack WHO exactly was driving the automobile that hit you from behind? Was it an older gentleman?...(exaggerated hand motions) Um...a mother with a young child perhaps?...Someone YOUR age?? Who was it?"

Then he says, "Now I'm assuming you like the attention of pretty young ladies* Jack is that correct? Oh good because I'm going to have you wear a neck brace for a few weeks and young ladies will be approaching you to inquire what exactly happened...because they'll see you with the next brace...and they'll be curious..I'm sure that's something that you can live I correct in saying that Jack??..(turns to me) See Dad, I didn't think he's have a problem with that."

And as the imitation goes on people usually back up because I'm right in their face. It's kind of scary actually.

Oh well. Maybe if I get to know her I'll do it for her someday. I just hate being put on the spot. And I don't like taking requests. What am I? Your trained monkey?

*What? "Pretty" young ladies will approach him? Don't homely young ladies get curious too?

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Wayne PA House And Letting Five Year Olds Go To The Park Alone. Turtles..

I had to go to a funeral last week and on the way we drove by the house I lived in until I was seven,. There it is above. It's in on the Mainline in Wayne, PA. It was about two minutes from the Devon Horse Show if you know where that is.

Then we drove by the park I used to go to that was right down the street. And it got me thinking how when I was five I was allowed to go to the park by myself. Can you imagine people today doing that?? Here are a few memories I have of that park:

- There was a little storage house where you go borrow balls, hula hoops, shuffle board sticks and the like. But I was terrified of going in because the older kids were known to turn off the lights and lock kids in. And by "older" they were probably nine year olds.

- I found a box turtle* near the woods and I brought it home. It had a red paint stripe on it. I kept it for a few months then my dad made me return it. I can't remember why he made me release a pet back into the wild. Maybe lettuce and hamburger prices (it's food) were skyrocketing in the early 70's? I'll need to Google that.

- There was a kid named John that lived across the street from the Park. He was in my first grade class. I used to go to his house once and a while. The last time I went is when I was at the park then crossed the street to see if he could come out. A stranger answered the door and the man said, "Oh that family moved a few days ago. We live here now." And then closed the door on me *cue sad trombone*

Huh?? Thanks for telling me John! Wherever you are. 

*FUN FACT:: Box turtles live their entire lives roaming no more than one square mile?

Friday, February 8, 2013

Lawrence Welk Is Doin' Some Tokin'! Weed Smoking Straights.

 Awww yeah. My man LW is endorsing toking. Progressive ass son of a bitch.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Which Is Your Favorite? Parakeet, Mona Lisa, Clarinet and Dummy.

Which is your favorite?

Boy Staring At Parakeet

 Crappy Mona Lisa Painting

Chubby Nerd Showing Clarinet Pride

Family Of Freaks With Dummy

...and why?

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Lookalike Alert! Who Do These Dudes From The Band Spider Look Like? Spicoli.

Did you ever hear of the band Spider? No? Ne neither. But I saw this album cover on one of my favorite blogs - Retrospace - and had to post it because looks like we have a little lookalike action happening here.

Take a look. Who do you think each of them looks like? OK Help me out here because I can only figure three out but the other one looks familiar and if it comes to me I'll post it in the comments. Here we go. Going from far right....

Far right (red shirt) - Totally Sean Penn as Spicoli. Am I right? Hmmmm?

Second from right (blue shirt) - The poor man's Rick Springfield.

Third from right (yellow shirt)  - George Thorogood with a wig. Look at the mouth.

Fourth from right (black shirt) - I'm stumped.

And here's Spicoli if you want to compare images....


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What About The THIRD Choice? Thurston's Bitch. Gilligan's Island.

You always hear the question: "Who would you pick? Ginger or Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island."  Here's Ginger:

Nice. Now here's Mary Ann:

Oh yeah. I'd go with Mary Ann like most men. What do you think the percentage is? 75% to 25%? Probably.

But the real question many people get mad and say, "Mary Ann or Ginger? Why don't I get to choose Lovey???" Here she is:

Don't lie. You want it. Look at her asleep...helpless...ready for the taking....Thurston is probably counting his money. Greedy ass bitch. Not tending to her needs...Mmmmmmm...Uh....I gotta go.

Monday, February 4, 2013

My Favorite Gift Ever. I Had This Panasonic Tape Recorder. Mayor McCheese.

There it is. The Panasonic tape recorder that I got in fourth grade. Do you know how much use I got out of this bad boy? Here are a few things I used it for:

- Leaned it against the TV and taped the early Saturday Night Lives. Then played the tapes over and over.

- Worked on my early imitations such as Mayor McCheese.

- Attached a Radio Shack phone jack to it and made prank phone calls to hot lines.

- Made scary noises and put it under siblings beds.

- Taped my friend Kyle getting yelled out by his dad when his dad got the $100 plus phone bill for the "free" hot lines that we called. (I convinced Kyle that they were free because, "Do you really think they're gonna charge mental people?")

.......AND MORE!

I miss recording stuff. I think I need to start using the voice recorder on my phone. Maybe to secretly record people. Or maybe just to hear conversations later that I forget about. Like when I'm out with people drinking and I'm being all funny and shit. Then next day I always wake up and think, "Man. I wish I could remember what I was saying that was cracking everyone up."

And below is Mayor McCheese in case you forgot what he looked like. And my imitation of him went a little.... like this *clears throat* It's McDonalds ya know!"

See? I told you it was good.