Friday, November 30, 2012

Remember These? Sony Walkman. Motorola Bag Phone. Palm Pilot Vx.

What the hell is that product you ask? The Sony Walkman. Yup. I had one back in the day. Pretty life changing if you ask me. And look at those crappy headphones. And carry cassette tapes around? Yeah that was fun.

Oh how far we've come in 2012.

And here's another product I had around 1992. The Motorola Bag phone. Since I was an important, young executive back in those days and had a one hour commute I bought this in case of emergencies. This is how most people started calls back then, "It's me! I'm calling from THE CAR! ....No really. I'm in my car! Making a call! To you!"

Oh and the Palm Pilot Vx. I actually loved this product. I was one of the first to get it at work. Totally space age. Except using the stylus was a pain in the ass. But look at that sleek design. I kind of wish I saved a lot of my old devices but what am I going to do? Take them out of a box every five years and look at them?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

On The Subject Of Celebrities With Large Nostrils. Hairy Pitted Sophia Loren.

Phew. Showing a picture of myself in my last post took a lot out of me. Now back to the usual stuff. In this post I will now tell you about the facial feature that I'm obsessed with in a way. Large nostrils.

Not obsessed in a good way though. They always bothered me. Like if I would see someone that looked cute I might think, "Yeah she's cute but she's got large nostrils." Or "Barrels" as this dude in high school used to call them.

Here are some examples of some prominent nostrils. I like to call them "Strulls" once and a while...

OK. Rachael Welch. Super hot but huge, cavernous strulls. But man look at how she fills out that bikini.

Here's one for the ladies. Ryan Gosling. Not huge strulls but they always seem to be flared. But a really good actor in my opinion.

Dionne Warwick. Let me just put it this way: if she breaths in you better hold onto the closest thing available because you will get sucked in. After you hold onto that street sign...body waving in the wind...being sucked into the Warwick vortex.

And finally...Sophia Loren. Not a great shot of the strulls but I can't take my eyes off of those pits. Good God woman!

Anyone else I'm missing?

Monday, November 19, 2012

First Picture of Me On My Blog. Dr Zibbs.

I give you....Me.Dr Zibbs.

This the first picture I've ever posted of myself on my blog. So you better like it.

Everyone always assumed I never showed myself because I wanted to be mysterious but actually it's because I don't want people I work with, worked with or may work with to see my blog because then I'd feel weird about writing certain things. Those precious gems.

So there you go. Please feel free to  leave your nice reactions in the comments area. Hold off on mean comments though because I'm sensitive.

(And if you're going to use the picture for "special purposes" you better save it because I'll probably delete this post in a few day."

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Hot Wings Potentially Switched On Me At Landmark Americana. West Chester Man Sweats Heat.

Yeah so I order the hot wings at Landmark Americana in West Chester, PA the other day. And I usually get the hot. I think the next level up is called something like "We dare you." And I think that the guy in the kitchen maybe dared the other guy in the kitchen to give me a double dose of the "we dare you."

Because I take my first bite and...JESUS CHRIST!!

They were so hot! And I like hot stuff but almost unbearable. Like each bite was torture (but delicious).

And I didn't want to look like a puss so I didn't send them back but with each bite I could feel my face turning red. Then I started sweating so much from my forehead and my eyes that a few people started looking at me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid but I think they were. And I pictured the kitchen people looking through the one way mirror at me saying, "Five dollars he doesn't take another bite....NO! HE'S DOING IT!!!! ...YOU OWE ME FIVE DOLLARS! Look at the baby cry. Take another bite baby. You want your bottle?"

And what percentage of dudes do you think order the ultimate hot stuff because they're just trying to look like a big shot? I'm talking the ultimate ridiculously hot stuff. I say 80 percent. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Best Magazine Cover Ever! Casos Reales. Clown Busts In On Cheating Wife.

"Maria?.... Maria? Where are you me sweet little enchilada? It's your man Juggles? I'm home early from the.....HUH??????"

(I wonder what happened next?)

Monday, November 12, 2012

Some Movie Notes. Pissed Off Brother. Ezra Miller. Labia M.

Did anyone sign up for MoviePass? I did. $29.00 a month and you can see unlimited movies at the theater. And I bring my daughter to the movies twice a month so I was spending $39.80 a month anyway so now I got this working for me.

Here are a few notes:

Cloud Atlas - (Tom Hanks movie) Total piece of crap! I hated it.

Sinister (Horror movie with Ethan Hawke) I liked it. Total creepfest. Kind of a horror/thriller really.

Argo - Loved it. And they captured the 70's perfectly. Although don't read what was not true in real life until AFTER you see it.

Flight - Boooooorring. It's really a story about alcoholism. And the crash scene isn't even that good. And you can totally tell they used a smaller plane for the special effects. (NUDITY NOTE: They show full frontal of a hottie including her patch AND lips*. Which I can't remember seeing in an R movie. They showed full frontal in The Master but total hair pie city.)

The Perks of Being A Wallflower - I LOVED this movie! It's the story of a bunch of outcasts in high school in 1991. I love high school movies when they portray high school kids realistically. I think Ezra Miller is going to be a stah! And the delicious Emma Watson can be seen dressed and dancing in the Rocky Horror Susan Sarandon role. Oh yes.

Resident Evil - I didn't really pay for this one I just kind of accidentally walked in. And there were only three people in the theater. It's a science fiction movie based on a video game. And throughout the movie they would do things like, "Securing sector five" then the screen would look like a video game. About 20 minutes in this black dude got up, walked up to the front, looked at the screen and said (to the screen), "Video game BULLSHIT!!" Then walked out.

Skyfall (Bond Movie) - Pretty good but Daniel Craig is more of an action hero and less of a Bond. I'm a Sean Connery man. Clever remarks and he picks up more babes. On an added note I did have to tell some dude to shut off his phone because he was texting. He was thinking of saying something back to me but then couldn't think of anything to say. If he had taken it out again I was going to snatch it out of his hand and say, "You'll get THIS back when the movie is over." Well that was the plan.

*Labia Majora

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Paula Broadwell is Hot! Pictures of Her. Petraeus. Nice Arms. Flowing Hair.

After seeing some of the women that powerful men have gotten busted with (Arnold, Clinton.....uh...Robin Williams) I've got one thing to say about CIA Director Petraeus's girl.....OHHHHHH BEEEEEEHAAAVVEEEEE!*

This story will be fascinating as it unfolds because something fishy is going on. I smell a cover up.

And there was also a text from her mentioning sex under the desk. Oh baby. Do tell Ms Broadwell. But talk slowly and in a breathy voice. Petraeus doesn't look like the flirty type though does he? I wonder how it unfolded?

Thoughts? And here's another picture of her in her finest business lady apparel.

*Hubba Hubba

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I Miss Ruining People's Calendars. Damn You Technology! Sphincter Tickling.

Have you all noticed how people use less wall calendars these days. Probably because of technology. And I miss it! Because I used to love going to a friend's house or into a coworker's office, page ahead a few months and write in random appointments, "things to do" or holidays on various days. The key is to try and match the person's hand writing closely so they don't notice it right away. I would write things like:

- Fart on an old person.

- Stock up on creamed corn. DON'T FORGET COUPONS!

- Fourth of July True Observance (written on a day in November).

- Cure Cancer.

- Finish The Love Boat Musical.

- Narrow list of calendar choices down to at least 75. DON'T WAIT TILL OCTOBER THIS YEAR!!!

- (Written on a Saturday in coworker's calendar) Rent U-haul to FINALLY bring home the motherload of paper clips I've been hiding. Bring chloroform for guards.

- Tickle sphincter with the feather of a peacock (ask Uncle Hank to capture event with charcoal sketch).

I also do this when I see a person's grocery list. Give it a try. Tell me how it goes.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Remember These Terrible Sitcoms? Hello Larry. 70''s And 80's.

Here are some sitcoms that I wouldn't even spend 5 seconds to stop and make fun if I passed them on the dial. Although a few will never see the light of day so I'm safe.

Fish - Hated this show. Especially that slimy looking creep in the 33 Jersey. His mouth moved weirdly when he talked like he had marbles in there. But I did see Abe Vigoda coming out of my hotel once in LA.

Hello Larry - Different Strokes spin off. Great career move McLean Stevenson. Hmmmm stay on M.A.S.H or go on Hello Larry? Let me see.... Except Kim Richards there on the right? I used to have a crush on her. Did you know she's Paris Hilton's aunt?

Makin' It - They tried to ride the coat tails of Saturday Night Fever. And failed. And even used Travolta's sister in the cast. Nice try. But catchy gay ass theme song.

Jennifer Lived Here - Boy lives with a hot and sassy ghost. Dumb. But I had some drinks with that kid (as an adult) in a hotel bar a few years ago. He was thrilled to be recognized.

What A Country - Any show that has a 6:30 Saturday time slot is a failure in my book. Hated this show!

Gimme a Break - No YOU give me a break. Never could take more than a few minutes of this nonsense before angrily turning the channel. Why are there so man fat black ladies with attitude on sitcoms?

They're just a few random ones. There are so many more.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Monster Baby Potenially Created? Can You Imagine?

Man (to nurse): Hello nurse my wife is here to have her baby.

Nurse (doesn't look up from desk): OK name please?

Man: My name? Clint Howard....

Nurse: And your wife's name?

Man: That would be Janis Joplin? J.O.P.L.I.N....

Nurse: OK. I'll just need your medical card and.....(nurse looks up at the couple)...Huh?????

*nurse gets up and runs down the hall ala' Cowardly Lion and dives out the window*


Friday, November 2, 2012

A Salute to Sheena Parveen. NBC 10 Weather Girl.

I'd like to give a salute to Philly weather girl Sheena Parveen from NBC 10.

Look at her standing there with all of those arrows. Undulating. Pulsating. That's not easy you know.

Look at all of those numbers too. You can tell she's good!

Weather systems just bursting to escape. Wanting to explode really.

Keep up the great work. Lets do lunch!

And on a side note local stations can stop bragging that their weather people are meteorologists. As long as the person can explain the weather clearly (and look good) we don't care if somebody behind the scene is doing all of the work. That is all.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I Found The Halloween Costumes of My Youth! Collegeville Costumes.

This is the costume I wore in Kindergarten. Note how it says, "With ventilated mask." Did the early mask have no breathing holes?

And in 1st grade I went as the devil. I remember being embarrassed because the smock portion of the costume showed the devil holding a pitchfork and I remember saying to my mom, "But if the devil has hands and I have hands it means that the devil has four hands! That doesn't make sense!" So I remember holding my candy bag over my chest when I went to doors so people wouldn't see the extra hands.