Sometimes I sneak into movie theaters without paying. Well "sneak" sounds so...sneaky so lets just say I walk in pretending that I may have paid.
It all started about eight or nine months ago. I was going to the movies and I had to take a number one so I just walked past the paying booth and into the bathroom. When I came out I noticed that there was no person standing there to tear the ticket so I just kind of walked in. I did get nervous though. I would have been mortified if the usher came in and busted me. I concocted a story in my head that I was meeting someone there and she already paid for tickets and she was late so I just went into the movie*. Then I figured I would just sneak out when he left.
I've probably done it about ten times. But I'm not sure I'm going to do it anymore because I have this fear that they've been videotaping me every time and when the cops come they're going to ask me if I've ever done it before. And of course I'll say no. But then they'll show me a compilation of me sneaking in every time. And I'll have to be like, "Nope. That's not me."
And they'll be like, "Sir you're wearing the same shirt."
"Um...it's a popular shirt?" Trust me. They'll break me in a minute. I'm a terrible liar.
To tell you the truth though I don't feel that guilty though. The way I rationalize it is that the studio gets 95% of the money from the ticket sales. And with some of the terrible movies I have to sit through maybe I deserve a few free movies. And also, I do write about movies on my blog here. Which sends people to the movies. And are they paying me for this? No. Are they reaping the benefits? Yes. Slavery ended years ago Hollywood! Who am I? Kunta Kinte?
As for the theater, they make all their money from the food. But they mark up their popcorn 900%! Whuuuuu???!!! It's true. And plus I'm in the theater yucking it up thus making the movie experience that much better for paying customers. Do I charge for that? No I do not. And it's not like I stole a candy bar and they have one less candy bar. The seat was going to be there whether my supple ass was in it or not.
OK so that's my rationalization.
*My backup excuse is to look confused and say, "Oh my God I....I can't believe I did that! I was in the bathroom and came out and wasn't thinking." You know. Act dumb.