Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Happy Birthday Davy Jones. The Brady Bunch.

Hey Davy Jones. Happy Birthday. You're 64 today.

Remember that time you were on the Brady Bunch? And you were singing "Girl Look What You've Done To Me"? Yeah. That was good.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Flight of the Conchords Ladies of the World.

What do you make of this? It's the Flight of the Conchords. Check out those sweet skating moves!

New Twitter App That Someone Needs To Invent. My Tweets Spoken.

Reading Twitter can sure get tiring. With all that actual reading. Someone need to invent a Twitter app that works like this:

- I send a tweet.
- The tweet is converted from text to my voice.
- As a follower of mine, the technology actually turns the volume up on you phone and "yells" the important tweet that I wrote. This way, everybody gets to hear it. Not just you.

So you'd be in the grocery store and all of a sudden you would hear: "Oh my god! A bird had sex w my aunt and its spawn is singing on jay Leno. Nevermind. Its just manilow".

or - "I wonder if a midget ever got a custom snuggie as a gift and said: wait a just cut up a wash cloth didn't you?"

or maybe even: "I bet some guy was asked by his wife to pick up staples before a storm and the dumbass came home w actual staples"

Here are a few more to enjoy:

"I wonder if that really tall guy from the show CPO Sharkey was Ed Begley Jr's mutant Frankenstein twin".

"Product idea: Circus Freak Peanuts. (Oooh! I got an orange bearded lady. I can't wait to enjoy it's cardboardy goodness)."

"Ooh. What's that movie the lovely bones about? A nice skeleton family or something?.."

"Mayor McCheese was based off of a real person with a real oversized, hamburger shaped head deformity #ItsFuckinTrue "

"Product idea: scale that has pics of celebs that are your weight each number"

"Tip for foreigners: to a lady don't say, your hair reminds me of the finest quality dry hay in the land "

That's all I got for you today.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Siamese Twins Art Contest Winners On My Famous West Chester Blog.

Remember that post I wrote about the Siamese Twins and one dies but it stays attached to the brother? To read it, click here

And then I asked people to draw pictures of the characters? I thought I would be flooded with submissions but then I remembered that when people have to do something that requires any effort they don't do it. But on the other hand, when they're getting something for free, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Like the time I gave readers nicknames last year.

Which is why - sadly - I only received two submissions.

So here we are. The runner up for this contest goes to a young man named Scope. Look at the beauty of this art! There is no way he took 30 seconds to throw it together. And if you use your imagination, it KIND OF looks like a Siamese twin and his dead brother. Not a ghost standing behind a shadow.

And the WINNER of the contest goes to a new blogger on the scene - KRISTEN from the blog Enough Hats For Everyone. Look at the hat on that fellow! And the recycling shirt? Nice touch. What's YOUR interpretation? How do YOU feel when you see this art?

And to collect the coveted prize, Kristen will have to email me a mailing address where I can mail it.

Congrats winners!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

My Mommy Got Me A New Pillow For Christmas. Fluffy.

You read that post title correctly. My mommy got me a new pillow for Christmas. And as I wrote on Twitter: " works great! I'm gonna call it Lil' Fluff - the pillow who believed in love."

See. You need to follow me on twitter (@DrZibbs) or you'll miss all the pillow related news that I may tweet about. Imagine hearing this news an hour ago? Instead, you're just hearing it now. It's kind of sad if you think about it.

So anyways. The pillow works great. It's super fluffy. My old pillow was such a dick. It was all flat and used up. If I was ridiculous enough to name an OLD pillow I'd probably call it something like "Pete the pillow that dreamed of being a pancake..and did".

And it's true. It's like someone broke into my house every night then brought Pete outside and ran him over with a steam roller. Everyday it seemed to get flatter and flatter. There's really no other explaination I can think of. Can you?

I've been complaining about my pillow for a few years but when I wake up, I never seem to remember how crappy it is and then drive to a store and buy a new pillow. And that's pretty bad if you think about it because it means that I've forgotten the same thing, everyday for like 1200 days IN A ROW!

Oh my God. Once I see it in writing that's pretty bad. Let me read that over again.

(reads it over again)

Yup. That's pretty bad.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Lowenbrau Commercial. Do They Still Make This Stuff? Beer.

Remember when there weren't that many beers? And Lowenbrau was considered one of the best ones?

Here's a Lowenbrau commercial from 1984 . Do they even still make it? I forget how it tastes but I think it was kind of crappy.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Jim Nabors Wants You To Let Him Be There. Head Shakin' groove.

Alright. You've been caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season. Don't you think it's time to take a break?

Why don't you treat yourself to this video of Jim Nabors singing, "Let Me Be There."

And really let yourself get into it. Don't be shy. OK go shut your curtains if you're afraid someone might see you.

Are you ready? Here we go.

Questions About People That Wear The Taz Jacket. Nicknaming Yourself.

There are just so many questions I have about people that wear a Warner Brothers Tazmanian Devil jacket like the one pictured above. Here are a few:

- Do they get the Taz jacket first and THEN nickname themselves Taz? Or is it an all out, Taz blitz with self nicknaming themselves Taz and the jacket is merely a reinforcement of the name?

- Did they see someone wearing a Taz jacket and that inspired them to buy one. "Man, look at that dude all Tazed out and shit. That's gonna be me someday."

- Have friendships ever been lost because one guy was wearing the Taz jacket and then a friend put Taz mud flaps on his truck? "No fucking way. Take em off! First the mud flaps, then you'll get a Taz shirt then you'll want a Taz jacket! That's MY thing!" (fight breaks out - after Taz jacket removed).

- Do they ever call places that store mink coats in the off season for pricing? Just in case.

- When it's cold out do they ever say, "It's cold as shit out here. I better go get my Taz."

- Do they ever go to a party and the host asks for their coat and they refuse to give it up? "Uh..I don't think so. If this coat goes in a pile on your bed and it walks? There's gonna be a situation. I think I'll just hold it."

- When they first get the Taz jacket and they're going to their local hangout, do they ask a friend, "Would you mind going in and looking around to see the reaction I'm getting from people when I come in the door? Maybe you can say, 'I wonder if Taz is showing up' or something and when they're like 'Who the hell is Taz?' I'll strut my ass in, frame myself in the doorway for a few seconds then walk to my bar stool. Beginning my new life as 'Taz - the dude that wears that Taz jacket.'"

What questions do you have?

And note that the inspiration for this post came from this blog post. I was cracking up in bed as I was thinking about Alice's encounter with a Loony Tunes jacket wearing dude.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Aqua Team Frosty The Red Nosed Snowman - Couldn't Stop Laughing

Someone called me on my cell today and I was listening to this on WXPN and I couldn't stop laughing at this.

It's stupid but I couldn't stop laughing. It's Frosty the Red Nosed Snowman.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Is Rap As Crappy As I Think It Is. Lil Wayne. Worse That Polka.

Every generation hates the younger generation's music. I guess it's a tradition.

But most rap sucks. I like some rap, like Snoop. And some other stuff*. I have it on my Ipod. But a lot of the other stuff? It's awful!

Lil Wayne? Have you heard this nonsense? It's just terrible. I'm not saying it's offensive or "I don't get it" or anything like that. It's just terrible, terrible music. If you can even call it music.

You couldn't get a hippie off of the street in the 60's and put him in a rock band without anyone noticing but I swear that you could get a homeless guy and make him a rap star and nobody would notice. "Hey that guy's great!"

And maybe it's just that people like to hear rap for rap - like it's people talking to music but it really shouldn't be categorized as music. Can't it be in the spoken word category?

And don't EVEN try to say I'm racist. I love R & B. And I LOVE Funk. Most rap just sucks it.

If you don't believe me, check out one of the top rap stars. Please explain the talent to me after you hear this.

*I forget the name of it right now but...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Avatar And My Thoughts Of This 3D Masterpiece.

I will tell you that I see a lot of movies.

I'll also tell you that I'm not a huge comic book/fantasy movie fan but I still see them all.

I really didn't get it when people were raving about Spiderman and the new Batman movie. They were OK but I wasn't that impressed.

But once in a while there are movie that you walk out of and you can't believe how great they were. In the past years, for me, it's been Goodfellas, American Beauty, Waiting For Guffman and most Tarantino movies.

And now there's another. Avatar.

This movie was so great. Great story and effects that are so unbelievable that you can't believe what you're watching! Cameron creates a whole new world. And then they're these flying huge birds and there's these crazy dogs that attack and, and....You just gotta see it.

And if you're not a person into fantasy films or computer animation don't worry. You'll find yourself lost in the movie very shortly. Trust me. It's really a new milestone in special effects.

To see the trailer click here.

Something's A Bit Fishy About That Lion On The Wizard Of Oz.

During the blizzard yesterday one of the movies we watched was The Wizard of Oz. I haven't seen it in a while. Lots of fun.

But there's something with that Cowardly Lion that seems a bit different. Something a bit queer and curious that I can't...OK he seems gay. Take a look:


And the Tin Man seems a bit feminine too.

But who rally cares? I don't even know if Bert Lahr the Cowardly Lion was gay. Wikipedia says he had a daughter.

OK. That doesn't mean anything either.

So I guess we'll never know until Hollywood releases that secret gay list. My guess is that John Travolta isn't on it but I think Tom Cruise may be. Who else do you think's on it?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Crank It Up! Black Sabbath Live In Paris. War Pigs.

Hells Yeah!

I was never into Black Sabbath back in the day. But these days I am. Check out Ozzy live in Paris.

Were you guys Black Sabbath fans?

Crank it up.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Why Can't We Be Friends? Animals And Stuff.

Animals can do the strangest things.

What? They can't? Oh yes they can.

Well then how do you explain this?:

Thursday, December 17, 2009

York Peanut Butter. Funny Ass Chimp And Kazoo Music.

Sorry everyone. This blog doesn't pay for itself.

So here's a commercial for York Peanut Butter.

(and look at that chimp go!)

Random Questions From THAT BLUE YAK. CPO Sharkey.

Free Style!

What percentage of people do you think will get this Tweet I put up this morning?:
I wonder if that really tall guy from the show CPO Sharkey was Ed Begley Jr's mutant Frankenstein twin.

Is anyone else reading the blog Retro Space? It's one of my new favorites.

What are your new favorite blogs?

I wonder what kind of fun my long time blog friends Gwen and Whiskey Marie are going to have in Chicago this weekend? What type of adventure do you think they'll have?

If there was a business that would computer animate your future spouse so you could see what he/she would look like when they were older, do you think people would pay for that?

Has anyone used the Google Mobile App on their Blackberry? If not, check it out. You can google search by speaking into your phone. Sweet.

I didn't get all of the leaves in my backyard raked up because I've been injured. Is it going to kill my grass? Is it a myth that people in New England don't rake?

Where can I get an inexpensive Dell laptop charger for my son that will ship by Xmas. Other than Ebay?

Why is that I'm trying to delete some blogs I read and I delete them in my Google Reader and the number of blogs I read lowers as I delete them but when I come back later...the blogs I deleted are back?!

Did you remember I'm having a contest on this blog? The deadline is Friday at 5. The details are here.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Video Of When I Talked With My Guidance Counselor. LSD Talk.

I've never exposed my true identity on this blog. But since this is a video of when I was in Junior High - who cares? If it can just help one person..then maybe it's worth it. Hmmm?

Here's a video that was taken when I was discussing LSD with my handsome guidance counselor when I was in Junior High.

He sure did have some good advice for me. Let's take a look.

CONTEST. Idea For Awesome TV Show. Siamese Twins.

Here's an idea I just came up with* for a TV Show (followed by instructions for a contest):

Character: Ping.

Description: He's one half of a Siamese Twin. His brother (Pong) died years ago but the skeleton is still attached to him.

Conflict: He tries to hide his brother - now a skeleton - my dressing him up.

Now this is the part I can't figure out. I can either...

1) Have the skeleton attached to his side and he dresses it in an overcoat, hat and sunglasses. When people ask, "Who's this guy?" He just changes the subject, "Oh him? Uh yeah..I've got to meet up with him later about this one ANYWAYS..."

2) The smaller skeleton is attached to his head. He covers it with one of those really long knit hats. But of course once in a while the hat peaks open and the skull or feet are exposed.

Setting: I'm thinking that maybe he works for a small city and is in charge of helping the city become Green compliant. See? This is a hot topic these days so...

I'm also thinking some hilarity can ensue because he's always trying to hide the skeleton. And people pick on him all the time. Like when he approaches, you can hear the skeleton bones hitting together, and maybe a bully says, "Hey everybody, here comes old Wind Chimes! Get it? Because he clanks like wind chimes? Yeah. Look at him!" Then the dick shoves him.

Everyone laughs at him. Except this one girl who might be in love with him.
And lastly, there will be weekly lessons that will be featured on the show. Like safe sex and not littering. You know..shit like that.

I don't know. What do you think?

And here's where the contest comes in. Draw a picture of the character and I'll post it on this here blog. And of course you'll get a valuable link to your blog. The winner will receive nothing. Because we're ALL winners. Right?

(my email address is Lebner1 AT Yahoo Dot Com. Write "TV Show Contest" in the subject line. And don't forget to leave your blog name as well).

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jackie Rogers Jr Will Get You Every Time. SCTV.

Before there was Austin Powers there was The Incomparable Jackie Rogers Junior from SCTV. Here's a video that someone put together with his great performances.

Were any of you fans? Hmmm?

Seriously. You need to sit through this. Or fast forward to the 7 minute part.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Wolf Attack Almost That My Wife Thinks I Was A Coward About.

I don't know what got me thinking about this and my wife never reads my blog but here is a story that I would like to share.

Years ago, my wife and I pulled into our driveway. (Now remember, we live in Chester County, PA. It's not the city, not the forest. It's the suburbs. But we do have pockets of woods around and tons of deer and the occasional additional wildlife).

So as we get out of the car and I'm like, "Holy shit! It's a wolf!*" And I run to the door.

Now the wolf never followed us but I never heard the end of it for ages because she thought I was pulling the George Costanza move where he runs out of the party - thinking there's a fire and knocks over an old lady. Selfishly thinking of his safety.

My thinking was that I was holding the key to the house so I could open it really quickly and we could both get in to safety. Which we did. I swear to God.

But she still thinks I was looking out for myself.

And looking back, maybe it wasn't a wolf but it may have been. Please chime in so I can print out this info and show her the results that total strangers voted on.

*Believe me. It was a wolf!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Serious Dream That I Had. Still Don't Believe In Ghosts. Car Crashes.

It was 4 AM when my wife woke me up last night. I was screaming in my sleep.

I was having a dream that my best friend Jim, that died 9 years ago in a head on collision in Chester County was standing next to my bed.

In the dream Jim was looking at me and he looked sad. I was saying, "Jim, are you really not dead? Are you alive? Answer me!"

And I was reaching for him but he was an inch out of reach. I knew that if I could just touch him I would know that he was not dead.

When my wife woke me up I was in tears because I was so frustrated that I couldn't reach him.

So this morning when she mentioned the nightmare she said that in the night she didn't want to freak me out but reminded me that today is the anniversary of his death.

I still don't believe in ghosts or supernatural stuff but that is a strange coincidence.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Scary and Creepy Santa Jamboree! Ho, Ho, Kill? Christmas Nightmares.

Here's a nice collection of creepy and scary Santas to haunt your dreams. Which is your favorite?

"Cindy. Now I told you. Don't talk. Just look at the camera and I might return you to your family. IF...they're still alive."

(In robot voice) "MUST KILL!"

There's something very fishy about that glove.

Do you know why there's a "no face here" sign? Because she actually has no face. Damn you Santa! How could you?!

"I am your honorable Santa. You will be very pleased with the various fine clothing products I shall bring that are made from the finest silks from far away lands".

Yeah right. What Santa holds a staff like that? Look at the dainty finger positioning. You know he's about to break into song and dance.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Present Idea. Mattel V-rooom. Toy. 1960's.

Awww. Look at this little guy from the 60's in this commercial. Kind of reminds me of me.

And look at this sweet toy from Mattel. It's called the V-rooom.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

You've GOT To Hear Dawn Langstroth. The Voice Of Angel.

As you may know, I love listening to my Ipod.

Sometimes I just need the soothing voices that only ladies like Karen Carpenter, Anne Murray and Norah Jones can provide.

It just soothes my heart. Kind of like when there's an escaped gorilla and they have to bring a violinist in to calm him down so the zoo keeper can get in close enough to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart. You know.

Well anyways, as you may have read in this post, Anne Murray's daughter Dawn Langstroth was reading my @FatherTwitter tweets and told her mom Anne Murray. And now they're BOTH followers*.

So I went onto the YouTube and on Dawn's website and you're not going to believe how great her voice is. I just can't believe how great she sounds! It almost makes me cry. I predict she's going to be a huge star.

*and not to brag but also @DrZibbs followers (stands up straighter and looks around to see if anyone is looking).

Dream About Had Last Night That Involved Funny Bones. Homeless Dude.

Here's a real dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up:

I was standing in a gazebo and I had just opened a pack of Funny Bones - the delicious chocolate treat with a peanut butter filling that's available in your grocer's snack section.

So I'm just about to reach down to grab the Funny Bone and a homeless guy next to me grabs it. And he's standing there pretending he's a sleep.

Me: Yo. Give me my Funny Bone.

Homeless Guy: (opens eyes) OK here.

Me: You know what? I'm gonna call the cops.

Homeless Guy: No don't. I have a new Funny Bones flavor. Want to trade?

Me: OK. Lets see it.

The homeless guy pulls out a pack of Funny Bones that is a different flavor. I really didn't notice what kind it was. But as far as I know - in real life - there's only one kind of Funny Bones.

Me: OK Lets trade on three. One...Two...Three!

But I grab his Funny Bones and I start running. The Homeless Guy starts chasing me yelling, "Come on! Come - Give it back". He's all out of breath. Coughing while he's running.

And he would slow down and I would stop enough for him to think he could catch up but then I would speed up. And I started eating the Funny Bones but shoving them in my mouth to show how good they are.

I showed him.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Colbert Dancing On Strangers With Candy Is A Classic.

Does anyone else have one of my favorite shows Strangers with Candy on DVD?

One of the best shows ever. Ever I tells ya!

Here's Colbert doing one of his dances. Classic.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Twitter Followers. Paul F Tompkins, Ted Leo, James Urbaniak and MORE!

Here's an update of the celebrities that follow me on Twitter. As you may know, I have my famous @DrZibbs Tweets and my famous @FatherKelly tweets. Ready? And go...

Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman - We then sent a few DM's back and forth . She said I was funny (jumps in air and yells, "She thinks I'm funny!" like Rudolph yelling, "She likes me!").

Christina Applegate - mentioned me twice. I've sent her a few DM's (direct messages) but she hasn't responded. Something is probably wrong with her computer. But then one of you a-holes sent me an email saying it was her. OK who was it? Because whoever it was, you really did your research. Nice try. Seriously, who was it? Was it you? What about you?..

Lisa Jane Persky (@lisajanepersky) - actress.

Nina Bargiel (@SlackMistress) TV Writer: Lizzie McGuiere and other stuff.

AnneMurray - Grammy award winning singer. She follows Dr Zibbs and Father Kelly. We've DM'd each other and she's communicated with me via tweets. She said she'd come to the West Chester Christmas Parade and do a duet with me next year. She probably wasn't joking. I put a note in my tickler file to remind me to contact her next November. Keep your fingers crossed.

Dawn Langstroth @DawnLangstroth daughter of Anne Murray . Click on her name to see how hot she is. She was the one that told Anne Murray to follow me. I wonder of the two of them read my tweets at family gatherings. And it's probably become a nice tradition. The Kennedy's played football, The Murrays/Langstroths read my Tweets.

Caissie St Onge @Caissie - Write/Producer of Best Week ever. We Dm's and emailed each other. She also worked on the Letterman Show. Nice.

James Urbaniak @JamesUrbaniak - Actor in various movies including playing R Crumb in American Splendor. Currently does the voice of Dr Venture on The Venture Brothers. I asked him to DM Paul F Tompkins and tell hom to follow me. Which he did.

Paul F Tompkins @PFTompkins - Comedian and actor. I actually know him from when I used to do stand up but I'm glad he's following me. He follows Dr Zibbs and Father Kelly. If you ever get a chance to see his stand up act, check it out. He's hysterical. Or you can buy his new CD - Freak Wharf. It just came out last week.

Ted Leo @Tedleo - Rocker from Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.

Michael Faustino ( @MichaelFaustino ) - He's the brother of David Faustino from Married With Children and was on a few episodes. I'm hoping he gets his brother to follow me. Then I'll only have two people left and I'll have the whole family of Married with Children. It's like playing Twitter Monopoly.

And guess who STOPPED following me? Yup. Chris Daughtry's wife. She must have issues. I don't know.

And that's about it for now. And I'll leave you with this tweet that I actually thought of in a dream last night. I swear to God. Here goes...

"Product Idea: Pants that have printed arrows pointing to the groinage area and the words, 'Doesn't have a boner' - so when you DO have a real boner, people might just think it's a joke."

It's probably over 140 characters but who cares.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Nuttin' For Christmas Is A Great Album. Puppets. Crappy.

Kristen, over at the new West Chester blog Enough Hats for Everyone just wrote a post about Christmas Albums .

I love some of the old covers. So I did a quick search of Christmas album covers and look at the gem I found:

It's Kenny And Corky! I have no idea who they are but just look at how craptacular they are! They're just sitting there singing Christmas carols. Look at em' go!

And look at the title. Instead of "Nothing" for Christmas, it's called "Nuttin'" for Christmas.

I need to find this album and make it a new family listening favorite.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Dream and Nightmare I Had. Plane Crash and Dog Saver.

Here is a dream and a nightmare I had this weekend:


I was at some huge show. It was so huge that the stage was on an aircraft carrier. There were thousands of people in the audience and hundreds of celebs in the show.

So during the break, they invited a few people backstage to hang out. I was in a room and someone says, "Oh, do you know Tom Cruise?"

And Tom Cruise is like, "What's up man?" and gives me the bro hand shake.

I was unimpressed.


I was on a plane headed to Greece. While we're over the Atlantic, the Captain comes on and says, "This is your captain, I'm afraid to inform everyone that the plane will be making a crash landing into the Ocean. Unfortunately, we've lost all radio contact as well. I'm very sorry."

So as everyone is preparing to die, some old guy turns to me and whispers, "I'm an engineer and because of this type of crash, you're in the perfect seat. You will be the only one to survive."

Some time passes and I see that someone had a Golden Retriever puppy on their lap. I called the puppy over to sit on my lap so it could survive too. Then it crashed.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Colhoun My Neighbor and Andy Richter. You Gotta Be.

Check out this short clip of Andy Richter doing "You Gotta Be".

He just cracks me up. He kind of reminds me of my neighbor Calhoun*. Just look at him. Well, you don't know him but this is what he looks like kind of and these are the kind of dance moves he'd do to this song.

*You know Calhoun. He's that fool I play darts with up the street. And I suspect he's the one that called me a Douche bag a few posts ago. Of course mangled the spelling. And you know me and my spelling. It's gotta be perfect.

Worst Impressions. Gay Christmas. Julie Andrews.

What. The. Hell. Is. This?

Worst impressions ever.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I guess when I wrote that post the other day, this is what I really meant to say.

Sorry for being human.

A Very Important Message From THAT BLUE YAK. PRESS CONFERENCE.

It is true! I AM the most important person on the internet. Look at all of those comments. It's unheard of. It's gotta be some kind of record.

I was gonna wait until I got 100 comments but I changed my mind. Plus, I don't want to be responsible for any suicides.

Now here is my statement:

If I read the post about me bitching, my response would have been something along the lines of "Stop being a big baby". Which is what many of you wrote. I honestly wrote that post in a minute because I was in a pissy mood. So there you go.

But some of the comments just baffle me.

As for needing validation? Of course I do.

As for writing and not caring who reads it? Hell no. That's like writing something, then printing it out and throwing it in the trash. That's no fun.

But the comment that really blew my mind was from Katrocket.* She wrote:

Why would we want to read a blog that's all about how awesome you think your blog is? You're not very funny. You regularly insult your readers. And obviously you have some weird issues about commenting. That's not very interesting.

I honestly TRIED to figure you out for a while because i saw some potential, but when you sent a bunch of people over to my blog to guilt me into writing comments on YOUR blog, that was the last straw. Now I just think you're a jerk.

Now fuck off or get on with it. The choice is yours.

Really? A dick move is sending readers to your blog to guilt you into commenting? HAHAHA. Why would that bother somebody? Somebody, please tell me. Isn't half the fun of leaving comments saying something goofy? How could someone feel guilted into leaving a comment?

Insulting readers? Of course I do. I often call them peasants or the commoners but who reading this blog would be offended? It's so absurd it makes me laugh.

And saying how awesome my blog is?? It is though. That's exactly what this blog is about. Being a self absorbed, clueless parody. How could anyone not get that after reading a few posts? I don't get it.

And saying I'm not very funny? That's fine. I'm not going to please everyone all the time. I get people saying some posts are too weird and others saying to write more about myself so I'm never gonna please everyone. But I do get lots of comments and emails saying I'm hyterical. So whatever.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to pick up my capes from the dry cleaners.

Let the comments begin.

*and I do truelly hope you keep reading my blog. Perhaps reading it aloud or with a friend would make it funnier. I don't know.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Time To End That Blue Yak? I'm done.

What happened?

What happened to That Blue Yak? The days of great comments?

I've read that blogs overall are losing readership. I know from my Google analytics that things are off. I don't comment as much on other blogs so that could be part of it.

Maybe it's my content. I've heard that too.

I don't know.

Seriously. Is anyone reading this shit or am I wasting my time? Maybe people read it and just don't comment.

And fuck you Twitter! You're there to support my blog. And only a few people on Twitter comment on TBY. Do you guys read it? Who knows.

Until I get at least 100 comments - I'm done. And maybe that won't even do it.

What's the point?

BREAKING NEWS: David Hasselhoff In Hospital. Jump In My Car.

It's true! David Hasselhoff is in the hospital. Read the story here.

And I'm going to have to go against his order of not "hassling the Hoff" because it's at a time like this that he needs us. All of us. I'm asking everyone to surround the hospital where he is and sing "Jump In My Car". Like you mean.

If you don't know the words, watch the video here, write down the lyrics and meet me there!

Gotta go!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I Have A New Celeb Follower On Twitter. Anne Murray. Danny's Song.

It's official. My @FatherKelly character on Twitter has a new celebrity friend - Grammy Award winning singer Anne Murray (@annemurray1 on Twitter).

Jealous much? Yeah. You are.

I asked her how she found me and she said her daughter Dawn Langstroth (smokin' hot) - also a singer - has been following me and "laughing" for months. We had a bit more conversation via the DM feature on Twitter but I'm not gonna reveal what was discussed. New future best friends have to have some secrets don't they?

What I will reveal is that if the relationship does grow from this tiny seed into a large, mighty tree, I am not ruling out the possibility of..

Are you ready for this?...

Performing a duet with Anne Murray. You read that right. Maybe I'll do a remake of Danny's Song as seen here on the Midnight Special. I'm not sure yet.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday. What YOU Talkin' Bout Willis? Yeah YOU!

In honor of Black Friday, I give favorite black person:

Gary Coleman. And this is him saying "Wathca Talkin' Bout Willis" in various hilarious ways. After viewing the video, join me below for further discussion.

If they ever make a remake, I'm offering several alternate catch phrases. Read them aloud to capture their full impact:

"Somebody give me a Q-tip because I KNOOOWWW I didn't just hear you say that." (Important note: The Willis character must always have a Q-tip handy - which he hands to Arnold)

"You said..whu...huh...(looks around) MR DRUMMOND!

"Whatcha talkin' bout Maurice?" (In this case, the brother's name HAS to be Maurice or it won't work).

"Oh..OK (turns to walk away then realized that he didn't hear what Willis was saying correctly so he turns around and puts hands on hips) Wait a minute Willis..What was that you said? Would you mind repeating yourself?"

If I think of anymore I'll add them to the comments area. Do you have any ideas? If they're dumb, just keep them to yourself though.

I don't want the comments area cluttered up with nonsense.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving Miracle Planned By Famous Blogger In Downingtown For Old People.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody. On a serious note, I've decided to "give something back" this year.

Get ready to cry.

I was thinking that while I'm eating a turkey dinner today in a home, some sad sacks will be eating at the Downingtown Old Country Buffet. And you KNOW how pathetic that place is.

For what I'm calling "The Thanksgiving Miracle - The Old Country Buffet Rescue of 2009" I will be going there, and picking one couple - probably old people - and inviting them to have Thanksgiving dinner in a home with their "new family".

I will make it very dramatic and heart wrenching by having one of my handlers announce the Thanksgiving miracle that is about to take place via bullhorn. Full volume. That's right, number 10 with deafening feedback volume. People in the Wegmans will be able to hear it.

I'll also add to the drama by saying, "Maybe it's gonna be you!" and point at someone but then point at someone else. Then I'll say, "You. Come up here." They'll get all excited thinking it's gonna be them but I'll say, "I need YOU to read who is going to receive the Thanksgiving miracle. Because it's certainly not going to be you". Yeah. It's gonna be good.

When I pick the couple it really will be a day that they'll never forget.

But I need your help.

We honestly are really short on chairs so I was thinking that one of you could actually take them back to your home for the dinner. Just tell them that I'll meet them there. They won't know the difference.

Great then. Just let me know if you can do it. I'll have them wear red pinnies and stand out front on the stoop.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Twitter Tweet Up In West Chester Tonight. Chester County. Thanksgiving Eve.

So there is a Twitter Tweet-Up tonight in West Chester at Barnabys. 5:30 until whenever.

Can you imagine the excitement of the attendees? Because they get to meet me? I wonder if they even slept last night. Do you think? Probably not. Here are a few guidelines that I'll be printing on flyers for my adoring fans. Take a few minutes to memorize them before entering the lair* that I'm sure is being built for me as we speak:

- Always remember, when in conversation with me, I like to dictate the tone and pace.

- When listening to one of my hilarious tales, you may think of something that YOU want to add. That is fine. If time allows. (You may want to jot a quick note so you don't forget what your "interesting" story is). If you think the story isn't that interesting, rehearse it with a friend or member of the clergy in the bathroom. Ask them to be honest with you as to whether they think it's something I would want to listen to.

- On first approach, don't look me directly in the eye.

- If you have a gift to present to me, make sure to flaunt it to the others before giving it to me. It will give them a chance to run out and get me a gift so they don't look like a fools.

-Please, no photography. As I've stated before, I will allow charcoal sketches of me and construction paper art as long as the glitter is used at a minimum. There will be scales available for the weight of your glitter. I think it's two ounces. Ask one of my handlers if you don't know how to weigh things. They'll be happy to help.

- But most of all, enjoy yourself.

And speaking of meeting strangers that you only have talked to online, here's a post detailing the account of when I met a few West Chester bloggers. Maybe you know them? To read the story of that classic night last year, click here.

*I hope it has a Roman feel with a dash of 1976. And if I see one piece of tape holding up the streamers I'm out of there. Remember, nothing tacky!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Delta Dawn. Tanya Tucker. All Fired Up on Jack Daniels.

I was just watching Dancing with the accident?

And Donny Osmond was on. So I look up the Osmonds on the Youtube and I was checking out a Donny and Marie video. Marie...Niiiiice. But then on the sidebar I see Delta Dawn by Tanya Tucker*. Here's the video. Doesn't she sound like a goat at certain parts?

Does anyone remember this song?

But it does bring back a nice memory of when I heard this song on the radio when I was a kid.

*a few years back I was on a photo shoot and this photographer used to do all kinds of rock photography. I swear he photographed almost every major musician. So we were talking about music and he said he once photographed Tanya Tucker and she was telling him about when she used to be a major alcoholic. Said she used to walk around with a Jack Daniels bottle with a straw in it. What the hell?

People In Theater Won't Shut Up! New Moon In Chester County. Wolves.

You would think someone of my stature would have his own film screening room. But believe it or not, I go to the regular movie theater with the area peasants. I'm not kidding..I'm right there amongst you.

And it pisses me off sometimes.

If you've read my blog for a while, you probably know that for years I've been sneaking in long lunches to see movies during the day or I try to go to the first show on a Sunday. And I do this because there are hardly any other people in the theater.

And you should see some of the losers that go to the movies by themselves. I sometimes want to mumble, "Don't have any friends eh? Maybe you should introduce yourself to that guy over there..he's a lone wolf too. Stray from the pack".

Anyways, I took the lovely lady to Downingtown see the Twilight movie New Moon* on Sunday and I've got to tell you that people can make me sick.

Why do people have to blurt things out during a movie? "Oh no!" "Haha. I can't believe he said that". "Whoa, he's been working out".

Is it really that hard to control yourself? And what makes me even sicker are the people that have to laugh at even the slightest attempt at humor on the screen. I KNOW that most of the these people wouldn't be laughing that loudly if they were watching the movie by themselves at home.

And the other thing they do is read signs that are on screen and repeat lines. Shut up!

I have two theories:

1) They're so excited that they're out seeing a movie with their friends. They're like little kids and they're getting caught up in the moment. There is still no excuse for this.

2) The second theory makes me even more ill. They're really excited to be at the movies and when they overdo their laughs, they WANT people to hear them. They're showing off because they know that this is one of the few times that they can be the center of attention without people telling them to be quiet.

I wish I were like my friend Flare or my Dad. Because neither of them would put up with this nonsense. Here's what each of them would do:

Flare: Yo Fatty, shut the fuck up! (or) Yo Flyers Shirt, shut the fuck up!

My Dad: (walks over to offenders) Listen, we're trying to watch the movie here. You have two choices, either keep quiet or I'm going to ask the ushers to remove you from the theater. Are we clear on that? (people look at him like he's crazy) Are we clear? (they nod...then shut the hell up).

I think they should have devices in theaters where you can click on an area of seats that hold these offenders. After three clicks, they should be thrown the hell out. No questions asked.

*as for New Moon, it wasn't bad. The scenes with the wolves and the scenes in Italy were the best.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Midget Movie Idea That I'm Gonna Pitch To The Studios.Wolves.

On Twitter the other day I tweeted:

I'm gonna make a movie about a midget orphanage called, "They Only Pick The Tall Ones" or "Tiny Tears on Lollipop Lane".

Here's another idea that I may pitch to the studios:

"The Biggest Midget" - the story of a non midget boy that was raised by wolves but then leaves so he can meet his own kind and he stumbles into a small village of midgets. But he thinks he's a midget because they look closer to him than wolves do.

And at the very end of the movie the mayor of "Midget's Lair" says to him as he's about to leave the town because he realizes he's not a midget, "You are the biggest one here.. that is true. But you're also the one with (climbs ladder so he can get closer to the "giant")'re also the one with (looks into camera) the biggest heart".

Then the whole village of Midget's Lair goes into to this big ass celebration. There's all this fucking food and shit. Music playing with the normal picking up the little people and putting them on his shoulder. Then like the wolves come out and everything but they're all gentle and shit.

Man. This is gonna be bigger than New Moon!

Is anyone crying yet? Cause the story totally touches your heart? Yeah, you knew it was gonna be good.

Corky. Wating For Guffman. Best Character Ever. Comedy. Video.

Has everyone seen the side splitter Waiting for Guffman? It's in my top 5 funniest movies of all time. If you haven't seen it, drop what you're doing and got get it and watch it.

I'll wait.... Hurry up though!

SEE! I told you it was great! Remember this part? (from 5 minutes ago when you just watched it?)

Share with me what YOUR favorite part of the movie was in the comments area below. Won't you?

And to read some of the classic quote from the movie, clicky here.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Andy Rooney, I Hope You're Sitting Down For This. Brezhnev Laughing From Grave.

I'm not sure if Andy Rooney reads my blog or not but if he does, I have a message. TRIM YOUR EYEBROWS!

Seriously, what is going on there? Do you think his family at least has mentioned something to him? Is it some sort of pride to have brows like that?

If there is something so ridiculous on me like that I would hope my loved ones would tell me.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Funniest of All Time? Foreigners On Talk Show Video.

In four years of blogging I've never written a post that is just a repost of an existing post. Until now.

I was just watching this video and declare it the funniest video ever in the history of the world (and neighboring countries). To see when I originally posted it, click here.

If this video doesn't make you laugh, you have no sense of humor.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

1980. Compound W and Warts Commercial. Caln PA. Warty Ass Mother F'ers!

I've got a confession. When I was 8, I had two warts on my knee for a few months. It must have been a fluke because..I mean..ME..with warts?

I have no idea how I got the warts. Probably some freaky ass dirty wart kid leaned against me. Who knows? I do remember being in a JC Penney one time and some wart looking kid was looking at me and my have brushed against me. He was probably from the wart district of Chester County: Caln. Nobody knows how they're caused really.

Well maybe YOU do. Because you had a wart problem. Didn't you? Don't lie Warty.

Lets take a look at this wart commercial from 1980. Does it bring back memories of your wart days? Yeah. It does.

Ask Dr Zibbs. What Would YOU Like To Know? West Chester Blogger.

I've granted interviews in the past. I will now like to answer some more individual questions that YOU the reader would like to know.

What do you want to know about ME?

Do you need some advice?

Do you want my opinion on something in your life?

Of course you do. Here's what to do. Send me an email with "DR ZIBBS QUESTION" in the subject line. If you want a link to your blog, make sure to leave your blog name in the subject area of the email. My email address is Lebner1 at Yahoo Dot Com (see what I did there so the bots don't pick it up?)

Now I'm not saying I'm going to answer all of the questions so please don't phone your family just yet. Just hold your horses and see what happens.

I'll post the answers in a few days.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Afternoon Delight. Starland Vocal and Ron Burgundy. Anchorman.

Who's up for a little Afternoon Delight ala' Ron Burgundy? Me please.

And to see the original, click here.

I like in the original when they go, "ahh ahh ahhahha ahh ahh ahh ahhahh ahh ahh ahh ahhahahaaaaaaaaa....(pause) Afternoon Delight!" Except when they get to the "Afternoon Delight" part they should have had a little person or something popping out from behind a speaker. And in a deep voice he says, "Afternoon Delight"..then he disappears.

Stupid Future. Pong, Robots and Better Blackberries.

What does the future hold? When I was 5th grade, I would have been amazed if someone said, "Pretty soon"....

- You will be able to heat meals in minutes (the microwave)
- You will be able to watch TV, but you'll be playing a game on TV and YOU will be controlling it! (Pong*/video games)
- Instead of waiting to see an edited movie on the ABC movie of the week, you'll be able rent a tape of the movie and watch it at home (and see Jacqueline Bisset's nipples on The Deep!. Through a t-shirt of course)
And now, unless you're a hillbilly, all this stuff seems normal.

But what about the new future? Do any of you tech nerds know which year I can expect this stuff?

- I want to see any clip of any movie or TV show by simply searching for it by key phrase then see it on my TV. Right away. Like the dance contest with the Fonz? ..Right 2 seconds.
- I want voice activation that's state of the art so I can Tweet and write posts to my famous blog while strolling down the lane.
- I want super speedy Internet access on my blackberry. Come to think of it, I want to have my blackberry working in my home all the time. What up with that stupid Verizon?
- I want a lawn mower that cuts by itself (not the crappy one that they show on TV).
- I want a robot dog or bird. And it has to call me Master.

When will these things be a reality? It's really not asking too much. Is it?

*and Ms Pacman. I was the master. That's right Flare..get back to work. And I also made up Miss White America Pageant. I know you're reading my blog everyday because I see you showing up on my Google analytics. P.S. Can you ask Julie if she needs a side dish for Christmas?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Best Food Ever. Cajun Kates Gumbo. NJ Bagel. Crotch Pains.

Do you ever eat something and declare, "That's the best one of those I ever had"?

I think a lot of people don't do it because they think, "I must have a had a better one at some point"*.

But not me. Last week I had the best Gumbo I've ever had. I got it at Cajun Kates at the Booths Corner Farmers Market. After every bite I felt like saying, "Uhhh. Uhhh. This is the best I ever had". But nobody was there to annoy so I silently ate it.

Then, this weekend I had a bagel while I was in Scotch Plains, NJ. I forget the name of the place, so maybe Mr or Mrs CrotchPains can chime in.

It was an everything bagel. It had the perfect chewiness to it and the flavor was "far out" as the hippies used to say.

So what did you have in the past few months that you could declare was the best ever? Hmmm..

*And some of you people never want to declare that something you just ate is the best because you're the type that says, "That's the best you ever had? I've had so much better". Because you need to top everyone. If someone says their dad is the president, you have to say, "Oh yeah, my Dad is God". know who you are.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Scotch Plains NJ Here I Come. Some Dude Named Steve. Crotch Pains.

So in about a half hour my wife and I are driving up to Scotch Plains New Jersey to visit our friends Steve and Debbie. You might know Steve by his "trying to be clever" name of CrotchPains. He's left comments on TBY. (See what he did there? Scotch Plains became Crotch Pains? ...With the rhyme and all? ..

Do YOU live near the exotic town of Scotch Plains New Jersey? How are you going to celebrate my visit to the region? Are you going to line the streets with banners and flags? If you do, I am so throwing gum and hard candy out to you. Pretend it's a parade.

It should be a good time. Always a great time with the two of them. We'll probably start drinking right away. Then, tomorrow when I get home, I have our neighborhood beer exchange/Eagles game.

I better go hydrate myself.

And if you follow me in Twitter at @DrZibbs, read my twitter feed and pretend YOU'RE on the trip. Come on, lets go!

Friday, November 13, 2009

They Call Me The Hit Maker. Lilly Allen F You.

They calls me the hit make because I'm so great at creating hits.

Well, not creating them. More like finding them. And here's a super catchy song by Lily Allen called F**K You. (Do you know what goes between the "F" and "K"? Yup. It's a dirty word).

But I've got to tell you, this Lily Allen is adorable and sure does write some catchy songs.

And I haven't had a Friday Send Off Song in ages so I dedicate this song to: Miss H, JenJen, Diane and Mrs Holly Hall. Go check out their blogs and tell them Zibb sent ye'.

And what do you think about this song?

(REVISED COMMENT: Note that I'm not saying F You to any of the bloggers that I dedicated this to. That is all)

Rodney Dangerfield, Caddyshack and Dr Zibbs.

And on the subject of Rodney Dangerfield (from the last post) here's Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.

Man that was a great movie. Can you believe it was released in 1980?! When this movie came out I saw it a million times. What a classic. To read some interesting info on Caddyshack, click here.

(Wow. I gotta sit down. I'm exhausted after writing this post. A lot of work went into this one. Pheeeww)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

My Self Portrait Rodney Dangerfield. Valuable Art. Dr Zibbs.

Today I got all arty and created a self portrait. The medium was pen.

I posted it on Twitter. Here's what it looked like:

A few people commented but the one comment that stood out was by Kristen*. She said that the more she looked at it, the more it looks like Rodney Dangerfield. And she's right. See:

The only thing is, I look nothing like Rodney. I guess I'm just a crappy artist? No, it couldn't be. Could it? There has to be some kind of in between.

Yeah. That's got to be it.

*And you should follow her blog because she's interesting. Do you hear that boring people? ...Not YOU..I'm talking about the boring people. Yeah YOU.

A Post About My Hair. Disco. Hair Pick and Freddy Washington.

Here are some various things about my hair that I will now ramble off:

- It has slowly evolved over time. It used to be wavy, then it got really curly.

- It used to be red, then it got auburn, then brownish and now - I would call it auburnish with SOME gray.

- Others tell me that I'm totally gray. They must be blind because it's fucking GRAYISH a-holes!

- From age 5 - 13 I had at least thirty old ladies - complete stranger old ladies - come up to me and say, "Oh my God. You've got the most beautiful hair! I wish I had your hair"
(Well you don't you old bat so keep walking. Do you think a BOY wants to hear that?)

- In 6th grade my mom started sending me to a "Hair Design for Men" place. The first time I was there, the dude asked, "So, are you into disco? Do you want a disco hair cut?" I said no but he proceeded to give me a disco haircut. Like a big crybaby, I told my mom I wasn't going to school the next day. She made me go. People laughed.

- In 9th grade, EVERYTIME I got my haircut, I asked the guy NOT TO TAKE ANY OFF THE BACK. I asked him this for two years. For some reason, my hair never got longer than a few inches in the back. I swear my mom was calling him and telling him it should be cut. She denies ever doing this.

- When I was in 9th grade, my mom bought a pick - like an afro pick - and tried to get me to "fluff up the top". She would sneak up behind me and try to fluff it up but I refused. This went on for months. "Who do I look like, God damn Freddy "Boom Boom" Washington? Jesus!
- Once, while completely wasted with a couple girls in college, the one girl said she just started to cut hair. I let her do it. Bad descision. When I got back to the dorms and was walking down the hall, one of my frieds saw me and started banging on all the doors, "OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!" Everyone came out. And laughed. I didn't care though. I was just pissed that this chick gave me such a terrible cut. I should have been tipped off when she scalded me with the water when she was wetting my hair.

- For about a year in the 80's I had a "tail".

- I'm showing zero signs of baldness.

- I have some hair on my chest but none on my butt.

And that concludes the hair post.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Kentucky Fried Movie. Kennedy Assassination. Family Games.

Has anyone ever seen the movie Kentucky Fried Movie?

It's a comedy from 1977 and was directed by John Landis. It was written by David Zucker and Jim Abrahams. They went on to do the Airplane movies. Lots of funny in this movie.

Here's a clip:

Soul Train, Racists, Philly and Dancing To Gladys Knight.

Hello racists. Well, I shouldn't say that. Yet. The only racists are the people that don't leave a comment about these snazzy Soul Train dancers movin' it to Gladys Knight.

And I WILL be taking names of the people that don't leave a comment. I will then take the names to the worst part of Philly..uh..I mean the blackest..I'm not trying to say that the blackest is the worst, I'm just trying to say....

....OK. What I'm saying is that I'm bringing the list of non commentors to an area of Philadelphia that has a lot of black people and I'm going to show them the list with YOUR name on it. The list will say, "List of Racists".

I do hope I find an area that the black people are wearing these clothes because I'm going to join in,

(Turns off boom box. Dancing stops) "Excuse me! Black people. I'd like to dance with you. I know I'm white but let me have a go at it. Then when I'm done, I have a list of people that you might want to beat up because they don't like black people. Alright? Everyone stop staring at me and lets get down! And boogie! "

*The blacks see me dance and then I tell them that I'm going to stop at the local Big Brother office and become all of their big brothers. They then carry me off, singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and we celebrate with a meal. NO, not chicken you racists. ...well, there might be SOME chicken there but....*

So go ahead, leave a comment. Who was your favorite dancer? What clothes do you like?

(and does anyone think that the brother at 1:22 might possibly be gay?)

Do you want to see another TBY post about soul train, click here.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Some Tweets I Wrote On Twitter. Dr Zibbs. Father Kelly.

Here's another lazy post for you - some recent Tweets from Twitter. (Note that the # is a "hashmark" and it is used when someone else started a topic and then other people tweeting can use it and add onto it)

If you want to follow me on Twitter my name is @DrZibbs. So here we go:

Haha. Just saw another clip from the comedy Precious.The mom's like, "You ain't worth nuthin'" I can't do the voice. You just gotta see it.

Elton John (watching Rod Stewart on Dancing w/the Stars): Oh my God! What a pussy!

OH MY GOD! There's this dude that looks JUST like Chastity Bono but.(listens to the idiots from The Insider) uh nevermind.

Blair from the "very special episode" of Facts of Life when she got bukakeed. #badhalloweencostumes (what? it's a lost episode?)

Just a reminder: If you're one of those freaks that gives popcorn for Halloween make sure to make it soon so it gets nice and stale.

heiny hole

how do guys holding those liquidation signs on the corner afford cell phones?

tip for foreigners:don't boast...i am the hairiest! i am hairier than a great ape

The International House of Almost Expired (but still legal to sell except in Nebraska) Meats #badrestaurantnames

wonder if there's a support group for people that have had tramatic life altering incidences w explosive diarrhea.

///////////////////////////// PART 2 ///////////////////////////////////

And here are some Tweets from my Father Kelly character. As of this post he has 4076 followers. The concept of @FatherKelly is a disgruntled Catholic priest.

Thinking about starting a combination fat camp and bible camp. Will name it either Porky Lil' Angels or Chubby Rollers.

Whenever I hear the "it was then that I carried you" part of Footprints in the Sand I picture Jesus as a huge Frankenstein

For Halloween I'm leaving out a basket filled w/ mass cards and a "Take ONE only" sign. Imagine the disappointment.

A bingo player suggested we change the name from "Bingo" to "Jesus". Ohhhh brother! I need a break from these nerds.

I just invented a new product: The ShamWow of Turin. I wonder if I can get the Pope to endorse it?

Fun Fact: Holy Water loses 80% of it's holyness when microwaved for more than 2 minutes

I bet Purgatory is like the waiting area of a Jiffy Lube but with a slightly better magazine selection.

The End (of this post).

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Guy That Says Yes. Obscure Simpsons Characters. Frank Nelson.

I wish the Simpsons would have more scenes featuring "The Guy Who Says Y-E-E-E-E-S?"

You know how he does's like, "YEEESSSSS?" Go ahead, lets hear your imitation...

...uh. What the hell was that? Well, at least you tried. Keep practicing though*.

The character was based off of Frank Nelson. He was on the Jack Benny show. I never really saw The Jack Benny show except in clips but I know the yes guy was also in other TV shows throughout the years.

If you want to see the video of the Frank Nelson character doing the "Yeeees?", click here.

I can't find a video of The Simpsons Guy Who Says Yeeees so if you find it, leave the link in the comments.

Who are your favorite obscure Simpsons characters?

*try practicing by looking in a mirror. Maybe that'll help.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Concordville Inn. Old People and Falling.

I'm not the best at math, but according to my calculations, old people plus falling equals hilarity.

I just thought of this because I'm leaving shortly to go to the Concordville Inn for a 70 year old's birthday.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

West Chester Crawdaddys Here I Come. The Highwaymen City of New Orleans

It's official. I'm going to eat at Crawdaddys Bayou Bar and Grill in West Chester shortly. To prepare myself, I'm going to listen to this version of the City of New Orleans by The Highwaymen - sung by my main man Willie Nelson.

Go ahead. Take a listen. And using your imagination, pretend that it's YOU the reader dining with me...Dr Zibbs.

What did you order? What is the topic of conversation? Don't be embarrassed - make sure nobody can hear you and act the scene out. Did you have a good time listening to my humorous stories and anecdotes? Remember, don't cut in too much. You know that I like to dictate the tone and pace of the conversations. There you go.

That was fun wasn't it? OK then.

Creedence Clearwater Revival. Has This Song Ever Been On The Radio? Cotton.

I used to love this song Cottonfields. I had the album but haven't heard it in YEARS. Come to think of it, I don't ever recall ever hearing it on the radio. It's from CCR. But I'm not lying when I tell you that I played it all the time.

And check out the "video". It's just a picture of a cotton field.

Is anyone else a Creedence or John Fogerty fan ? What about cotton fans? Anyone?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Chicken Wings. How To. Pissed Off Lady. Bronx Caterpillar. Precious.

How DO you eat chicken wings? Are there tips? There sure are.

I started reading a new blog recently and this helpful chicken wing eating tip video was on it. (Sorry for not mentioning your blog but I forget the name of it. Mention in the comments who you are).

It's actually pretty cool. Maybe I can now go back to eating chicken wings in public instead of in the privacy of my own home. The only down side of this is that when I eat wings, I like to lean over a plate and eat them really fast while breathing like a Neanderthal. With this new technique you have to be slow and mannerly.

What? A double shot video? Yup. On the subject of chicken wings, here's a pleasant woman from the Bronx named Raqui* yelling about feathers she found on her chicken wings and a caterpillar she found on her corn. It's way too long, so maybe you just want to check out the first minute.

*If they do a Part two of that new comedy Precious, like "Precious, the Payback" or "Precious Goes To Flight School" I think they should consider Raqui for the part.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Did Anyone Else Waste Their Time With Jigsaw Puzzles? Jiggy.

I don't the get the appeal with jigsaw puzzles*. When I was growing up, my family would go through phases of doing puzzles. There would be a card table set up with a puzzle on it. It would take days to finish it.

I just don't see what satisfaction you get from it.

Since I hated doing puzzles I would sometimes hide the last piece. Then, when it was almost completed and my sisters were looking under the couch for the missing piece I'd sneak in and put the last piece in, "...AND DONE!"

Now THAT'S satisfaction.

(And look at that guy in the picture. I bet he's a jigsaw puzzle show off. "I've been doing jigsaw puzzles for 63 years. When I was a kid, they were simply called Jigs. You would get your shoes fixed at the Cobbler and then go next door to the Jiggy - your local Jig supplier and pick up the latest Jig. Of course they were much harder back then and the edges were sharp so you needed skill. Not like today's jigs".)

*I do like Sudoku but that doesn't really count.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Sesame Street is 40! Special Thoughts. Big Bird is Faggy.

Wow. Sesame Street is 40 years old today. Here are a few of my random thoughts about the show. What are yours?

- I always hated Big Bird. He should be called Big Dummy.

- Maria was hot*.

- Why was Mr Hooper such a crabby a-hole? When he died, I did zero mourning.

- Coolest characters: Grover, Kermit and The Yip Yips.

- Best Sponsor: The letter "W"

- Catchiest song: "I've Got Two Eyes - And They're Both The Same Size" (A clear smash on pirates)

- Jump the Shark moment: The arrival of Elmo.

- Best Sesame Street Parody: The Burt Is Evil website. It's been around for years. Check it out here. You've got to see this site.

*Look at that picture of Maria. What does that remind you of? Huh? Huh?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Why Do Women Put Men Through This Torture? Scrapbook.

I wonder if this ever happened:

- There was this really hot chick. She was kind of odd but who cares? She was smokin' hot.

- So this dude was sitting on her couch in her den. So they sit there and he has to endure over two hours of not only looking through her scrapbook but hearing every detail of every person. Including, which people at which time she was best friends with and endless pictures of her cousin Stacey - who is a total fat fuck - but has the "biggest heart ever". Even though she "struggles with diabetes but you would never know it".

- Then, as the book is closed she says, "There's really something I want to share with you."

- His slacks seem to get tighter in the crotch region. She stands up and he follows her into her bedroom.

- She then says, "I don't show this to everyone, but you're special".

- She then leads him to a cabinet full of these:

- "They're Dreamsicles. I want to tell you their names, where I got each one, their limited edition status and what each one means to me."

- The guy rips the tiny arrow off of the Cupid Dreamsicle and plunges it to his heart. It's only a half inch long to it doesn't even break the skin. But it does slightly rip his sweater. Very slightly.

OK this never happened to me but many similar scenarios have. The things us guys will endure to get a chick. Jesus Christ.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Palmolive Commercial and Madge. SHUT HER DOWN. Nut Case.

I made a reference to Madge from the Palmolive commercial to my Twitter friend @ChesterCo_PA and she didn't know what I was talking about so I'll clarify here.

Madge was the annoying beauty parlour lady that used Palmolive dishwashing liquid to soak the hands of her clients. Here's the video:


Client: You're using dishwashing liquid to soak my hands? And I'm paying you for this?

Madge: Oh don't worry. I'm a sassy like that. Now if you'll step over to the sink, I'll condition your hair....with URINE..

(Close up of camera then Dr Zibbs takes off Madge wig)

Dr Zibbs: Hi. I'd Dr Zibbs. You may know me from the famous blog THAT BLUE YAK. Google it. You'll find it. I'm here to say that if you have a beauty parlour worker that uses non beauty parlour products on the fuzz.

This was a public service announcement by THAT BLUE YAK.